PDF Download , by Melody Beattie
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, by Melody Beattie
PDF Download , by Melody Beattie
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Product details
File Size: 1060 KB
Print Length: 289 pages
Publisher: Simon & Schuster (December 30, 2008)
Publication Date: December 30, 2008
Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc
Language: English
ASIN: B001NLL7SO
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#33,435 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
It's ok to love someone who is addicted & cycles through mental issues. It doesn't make you sick. It makes you human, living in a world that's exceedingly tough for some souls, bodies & chemistries. What does make you sick is stalling your own dreams & plans to be their solid. What does make you sick is rescuing, being attached to an outcome with this person, or relying on them for your self worth. Only you can do that. And sometimes the most helpful thing is to say no. No to paying for things because that enables their poverty. No to staying up late with them because that enables their anxiety and increases yours. No to picking up the substances, let them get their own. You can't control the illness, the cycle, the addictions, their pain, or their decisions. But you can take care of yourself. And in healing, you can communicate with them in a respectful, loving, adult way that sets the bar higher for both of you. You can leave at anytime, so remember that this is a choice your soul made for growth, and not a life sentence. Take the beautiful parts and learn to smile at and let go of the crazy. Extract yourself from the parts that make your heart race or jump. This isn't about you. It's about them. Codependency is a simple case of mistaken identity.
I have always been a fan of Melody Beattie's work, and I have benefited enormously from it since the old days of Codependent No More. I have not been in a relationship with someone addicted, but I nevertheless recognized myself in the description of the Codependent. There were so many similarities: not being able to take care of myself, obsessing about other people, taking care of everyone's needs (apart from my own, that is), not having boundaries. I seemed to be a textbook codependent, except that I did not get involved with alcoholics. So I just went along with what she had to say and read several of her books.The New Codependency is one of the best ones. It has all the usual qualities of her work:*She uses an empowering tone: of course you can make it. And to be honest, when she describes her life of a former junkie, you cannot help thinking: well, if she managed to get out of this mess, Surely I can get out of mine.*Her book is packed with examples. The fact of the matter is, I can see problems and solutions so much more easily when I read about someone else. Examples allow me to do that.*There is a lot of practical, down to earth advice. I cannot count the number of books I've read which describe my dreadful problems, but then leave me there with a vague "well I guess you need therapy" chapter. I hate it. Don't talk to me about my issues if you are not able to offer one hint of advice on how to solve them.In The New Codependency, Melody Beattie tackles important concepts she wrote about before (boundaries, taking care of oneself, deprivation, control...), but with a higher level of maturity . Because she does not go back to the basics, I would advise not to read this book without reading first her earlier work. If you have, then it provides additional hindsight and a wiser point of view.There are also new ideas. She insists to de-stigmatize codependency, explaining that it is just "normal behaviours, plus", that it is just a stage of grief - and I must say I find this new idea really interesting. There is a chapter about nurturing that I liked - she did not write about it earlier because she did not know what it was. And there is a whole section about emotions that I found really useful - I am one of these folks who have difficulties simply feeling.
Big fan of "Codependent No More," but this book did not grab me. It started off promisingly enough, but part two focused too much on the author's personal loss as well as a history of self help groups/ therapies. I was not interested in how these groups and therapies have evolved. The kindle version ended very abruptly. One minute I'm reading about her experience; turn the page and there is a one line sentence about giving yourself 10 points for each child. That's it. No real summation or conclusion.I did like the quizzes; although, wondered on what data the author used to base her ranges. Still a fan, so intend to read the book on grief and any articles published.
I love this book (along with Codependent No More). When I became honest about my codependent behaviors, Ms. Beatty's books were very helpful to me. This book is a revision of the original Codependent No More and is meant to expand upon the original conception of codependence as being in a relationship with an alcoholic . The book should be essential for anyone who lives in a relationship with an addict or who has trouble loving themselves. I am glad to have this book. It is a great purchase.Beattie is effective because she has "been there" and has compassion for those of us who are still there. I am struggling my way through the book and am learning new things everyday.This book is similar to Bill W's "AA Comes of Age" in that it introduces recovery to a new generation of people. Codependent behaviors can occur anywhere and there is a process of beginning to love myself by getting rid of those behaviors and reactions. I feel that Beatty knows this process and she makes it accessible to anyone who desires change. Highly recommended
This book is a fairly fast read with a narrative tone. It's easy to identify codependency through the stories and examples the author uses. I read this book first and "Facing Codependence" by Pia Mellody second. I though the two of them together were a good combination because the writing styles and approaches to discussing the topic are different and complementary. I also recommend "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown as a complement to the subject of codependency.
This book really made me think. This author was recommended by my therapist. I chose this book in an effort to understand co-dependency. I wanted to see how relationships combine unhealthily, and relinquish the hold my mother has had on me. After her death 18 months ago, I had no idea how to go on. This book saved my sanity.
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